From the minute we are conceived humans go through many developmental stages (we even go through a stage in utero where we look like a sea horse -giddy-up). One famous stage, because it is pretty annoying to everyone involved is called the "terrible two's.
In reality the terrible two stage is a very important stage for children because they learn they are independent little beings and they learn they want to make their own decisions and do what they want - when they want. They are a good example of the current saying, It's All About Me.
We all know a two year old isn't capable of making safe and healthy choices yet. So parents and care givers often intervene and say that terrible word... NO! This word is the catalyst for the two year old behaviors we all know affectionately as hitting, screaming, running away from us, pushing, biting, and other various and assorted things. Terrible right$%: Not really because - children need to learn about the world in a safe secure way. The stage is annoying and time consuming but critical to the future socialization of the child.
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Children go through several other stages before they reach the period which is the focus of the article but for the sake of time fast forward to the beginning of the teen years, the age of 13. It has been documented that the teen years are the second most ego centric period of a child's life. The first ego centric period is the Terrible Two stage we just discussed.
When a youngster reaches the age 12-13 they begin to exhibit behaviors similar to those of a two year old. They want what they want, when they want it, and anyone who says No, is going to have to pay!
Just as the behaviors developing during the terrible two's are important for healthy development, so are the behaviors associated with the teen years. Teenagers are just taking the process of being independent to a higher level. They think they know more than their parents and teachers and because of this they too make unhealthy, unsafe choices. When a parent says NO, the teenager's reactions are very similar to a two year old..aren't they$%:
The stage of development teens are going through helps them become individuals. They learn to think for themselves, to challenge the rules given to us by parents, teachers, and sometimes God. The key work of the teen years is to learn who they are as individuals and to develop their own rules and morals, and sense of character and integrity.
Teens who decide to marry, before the age of 18, are typically making an unhealthy choice because they have not yet truly become individuals. To become an individual a teen needs to have many different relationships and many different kinds of experiences. Going through a number of teen relationships helps a teen learn about what is good in a relationship, what is not good, what they like and don't like in a partner, how to communicate their feelings to someone else, how to care about the feelings of someone else, and many many more important life lessons. The teen years are the years to learn about oneself as part of a couple. If this developmental stage is cut short or is experienced totally as a couple (dating the same person until marriage), then the outcome of the period of individuation is compromised.
It may be that persons who have had their developmental period of individuation compromised by too early of a commitment to a single person may increase the potential for eventual divorce and Post Marital Stress (PMS) disorder. To have PMS means you have some developmental issues to discover about yourself in order for you to begin to live a healthy, competent life. If one does not go through the normal developmental stages in a healthy way, they will pay for it in their relationships.
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